Tag Archives: preschoolers

How could you! I do it!

“You want to read a story? You do? Okay, come on, which one?”
“This one! George!”
“Okay, here we go.”
“NO NO NO, I do it!! I turn page!”
“I just opened the book, you can turn the pages.”
“NOOOOO I turn page!”
“I know, you can do it. I just opened the book. Here, I’ll close it and we can start over.”
“NO NO NO Mama, I doooo iiiiitttttttttt, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“Calm down, take the book, what do you want to do?”
“You’ve ruined it mom, ruined it. I have been looking forward to cracking this particular volume of Curious George open all day and now I’ve clearly seen the title page and the mystery is gone. I’m crushed. Nothing can give me this moment back. I am so disappointed that you opened it without prior authorization. How could you?”

****

“Are you hungry? Do you want an orange or a banana?”
“Orange.”
“Okay hold on. I know you want to peel it, let me get a piece up for you to start.”
“AAAAAHHH NO NO I peel! I PEEL!!”
“Okay, you can peel, here!”
“Noooooo! I do it, I peel!”
“I just got it up for you, you can do the rest, I didn’t take any peel off!”
“WAAAAAHHHH I DO!”
“Do you want an orange or not?”
“Listen, lady. I am a big fan of oranges. Not only do I like their flavor and fun segmentation, I enjoy peeling them immensely. I frankly think the whole experience is ruined if you, as you say ‘start’ it for me. It’s part of my process. I cannot possibly enjoy this orange now. No, no.. another orange will not do. I will always know that this orange was MEANT to be my snack but was desecrated by your complete lack of consideration for my feelings. Really, how could you?”

****

“We need to go. Can you put on your shoes and coat?”
“I wear bunny hat!”
“Yes, you can wear your bunny hat, but put your shoes and coat on first.”
Wanders off.
“Excuse me, can you get over here and put this stuff on now?”
Nothing happens.
“Okay I’ll come put it on you so we can go.”
“NOOO! I put on shoes!! No mama.”
“You can put them on, I just need you to hurry!”
“No help me, I put them on. I PUT ON!!!”
“Okay I’ll stop helping, jeez. Can I put on your coat at least?”
“How dare you?! What do I look like? An infant?! I can clearly prepare myself for going out and maybe if you weren’t always springing these things on me I’d be more prepared. I distinctly remember that yesterday, I HAD my coat, boots, AND hat on and was ready to go downtown and waiting by the door and at THAT time you were all like ‘oh no, we aren’t going anywhere, you aren’t even wearing pants, blah blah blah,’ and you didn’t see ME trying to stuff you into a pair of rain boots and coat so we could get out. Oh no, I wouldn’t impose like that because I’m a reasonable person.”

****

“What are these pieces doing all over the floor?”
“I put there. I play.”
“We need to pick them up, come help me.”
Silence.
“Oh not so interested in ‘I do!’ anymore, huh?”
“Mama pick up!”
“I think you need to help.”
“Do you not know what your job is, mom? Are you unclear on what it entails? Perhaps you need an appointment with HR. Just pick up with stuff everywhere and leave my books and fruits alone. Got it? Oh, and get more of those Hello Panda things. Maybe they shouldn’t be kept so high up. Maybe I should handle snack storage from now on. You seem like you’re not keeping up with things. You better give me that ipad until you can learn what’s expected of you.”

February Sleep Regression, we meet again.

I don’t know if this is some kind of annual conference that I’m just not aware of or maybe the winter gets to be too much to bear and bad sleep ensues, but this is the 3rd time around with us, February sleep hijinks.

February 2011 kicked off the 6-7 month spree of my darling baby waking up and needing to nurse, be held, etc. by me and only me, for hours, several times a night.

February 2012 featured the “How many times is it possible to wake up in a single night and yet still fall back asleep between each time” game with the expansion “If you make a sound while leaving the room, go back to start” set.

And here you are, February 2013, with the Endless Bedtime Reel, sometimes with a Night of Nostalgic Wake-ups thrown in for fun.

It doesn’t have to be this way, we could just enjoy each other, even if it is well below freezing out and winter will drag on for many weeks. Have a chocolate heart, February, or a glass of wine and stop being so impossible. I think we could be really good friends if you cut the crap. I am a big fan of Valentine’s Day, honestly. It’s like my favorite.

So let’s clear this up before March shows up. I never liked that bitch.