Tag Archives: sister

So my sister is using this post to help drag herself out of bed tomorrow, so it has to be worthy of that, she says.

I’m not sure I could write anything that is worth getting out of bed for, since sleeping in is just about the best thing ever. I know she and I both choose sleeping in over most foods, most kinds of entertainment, and even each other standing over us going “will you please for the love-of-fruitcake get up now so we can go?!!!”

These days, I get up because I have an awake baby peering over me or my husband tells me he absolutely has to go. Only the former might actually throw something at my head but the latter holds longer resentments. But I really loathe having to get up. I stay up really late because I’m a compulsive online-all-nighter who gets all her news-reading, fashion-browsing, facebook-chatting, list-making, and erm blog-writing done in the wee hours while the little child who thinks laptops are for slamming shut and waving “bye bye” is sleeping. I also have a hard time falling asleep because I have a brain that likes to conjure up the absolute worst things in life as a mental slide-show the moment I lay down. If it’s not the worst things, it’s all the things I have left undone, like the night before you leave on a big trip but with more trivial details.

When morning rolls around a mere few hours later, I have absolutely no desire to get up. I am usually having a really nice or at least very interesting dream. Sometimes I even dream about sleeping! Usually in very nice hotels or very fantastical beds, but still, how meta is that? Even my bad dreams, I like to resolve before I wake up or else there’s this nagging feeling in my mind all day. If I’m not dreaming, it’s because I am in such a deep sleep that sperm whales could not survive the pressure to get down to my level of consciousness.

After a few attempts to get through to the real me, not the bear-in-hibernation-non-verbal me, either my husband, toddler, or the clock win and I drag myself out of bed. Occasionally, there is food/beverage to make the dragging slightly less agonizing. Usually, there is not. Hmph.

I used to be such a devotee of sleep, and I still am, but like so many things our relationship has become complicated. I have very little time all to myself, so I sacrifice sleep to be able to do things of my own. I have a toddler that likes to wake up at all hours of the night and who ultimately ends up next to me in bed. While asleep, that toddler likes to push me to the edge of the bed, sleep on top of the covers, and nurse constantly. This has the effect of making sleep very unsatisfying. I get down into a nice wave-less, dark depth of sleep and then ripped back to the surface over and over. So I basically have the sleep-bends. And lastly, even if I do get to sleep in and my obliging husband has managed to contain the fury of my mommy-deprived child, I kind of feel guilty and have not experienced this sleep-guilt before in this way. Sure, I have felt a little bad about sleeping in when I had stuff to do, but this is worse. I feel like I’m missing out on her childhood or something. I hear her whine in the other room and try to convince my body to get moving.

Someday this will get better, I hope. I will be able to do more of my own stuff during the day, sleep longer and with less interruptions at night, and have more of my bed to myself. And then, my sister and I can compete over who can sleep in better. Like a sleep duel. Pillows at afternoon, girl, pillows at afternoon…